Bonus Episode: Celebrate Your Light

Quick bonus episode for you. This was an impromptu recording — I got into my office a little bit early this morning, and I thought, you know what? I’m just going to share some of the thoughts I was having last night, because today is the celebration of Diwali.

Last night, my neighbor friends were celebrating it. I live in a neighborhood with about 90% Indian and Hindu families, and I love it — the people, the food, the color, the culture — and I love learning about all of the different celebrations they have.

Last night there were a lot of fireworks going off in my neighborhood because they were celebrating Diwali. It is such a gift to be surrounded by it. I know I’ve talked about this before — just how much I enjoy learning from my neighbors.

Diwali is the Festival of Lights, and it was so beautiful — the lights, the candles, the joy, the fireworks. Everything about it carries such deep meaning.

I wanted to jump on and record a quick message for you because this celebration holds some really powerful symbolism that I think connects deeply with so many of you who are walking through dark right now — those who are maybe looking for light right now.

So, with today being the main celebration, I thought it would be great to put out this bonus episode.

Diwali, at its heart, is really about the triumph of light over darkness, and I just can’t help but think about how it mirrors your story — the story of betrayal, of loss, and of finding yourself again.

Because when you’ve gone through betrayal or divorce, you know what darkness feels like. You didn’t choose it. You didn’t invite it. Your partner brought a lot of darkness into the relationship — with lies, manipulation, deceit, abuse.

And even after separation, it can still feel dark. The court system can feel dark. The way your ex or soon-to-be ex behaves can feel dark. The loneliness, the confusion, the incredible amount of loss — the gaslighting — all of it can feel like you’re trapped in a room with no light switch.

You’re scrambling around the walls, trying to find that light switch.

And yet, Diwali reminds us of something so sacred and true — that light always overcomes darkness, even when it feels like the darkness is winning. It is not.

It’s not forgotten in my memory — those days and nights that felt like the light would never come.

And I just want to validate: if you are in that space right now, darkness is simply the absence of light. The moment you remember that your light within you still exists — even if it feels faint — that darkness begins to shift. I promise.

Every single one of you already has within you the light switch.

Sometimes we’re feeling around the walls, symbolically trying to find that switch outside of ourselves, but it’s so important to remember that the light is already within you. When you turn toward yourself and find that light, the darkness already begins to shift.

In Hindu tradition, people light small lamps called diyas — each one represents the light of goodness, truth, and inner strength.

To me, that is such a beautiful symbol of what healing really is.

It’s not pretending that the dark never happened or trying to talk yourself into moving forward and “getting over it.” A lot of times, people with good intentions might say things like, “You should be over this by now,” or “Just move forward, forget about it.”

But that’s not how it works — at least it didn’t for me.

I think it’s really about saying, I won’t let it define me anymore.

Because that defining creeps in so subtly — defining your worth, your value, your lovability. When you decide that you’re not going to let what happened, that dark, define you anymore — that’s when you start to flip that switch and let the light heal.

Every time you tell the truth about your story — that’s light.
Every time you choose to regulate instead of react — that’s light.
Every time you honor your boundaries — you’re lighting a lamp within yourself.

Your healing isn’t about becoming the light or trying to find it and bring it in. It’s about remembering that you already are the light.

So, the three pillars of healing in my model — Awareness, Acceptance, and Agency — fit beautifully with this theme.

Awareness is the first pillar. It’s important that we see the darkness clearly. Awareness is that first flicker of light — the moment you realize, “This isn’t okay. This is not love. I deserve better.”

A lot of you listening have already had that awareness — awareness of the reality you were living in that was hidden. It’s seeing what’s been hidden, sometimes even from yourself, because you weren’t ready to face it yet.

Awareness can feel uncomfortable because light reveals truth — and truth shows us things we might rather not see. But it’s the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself.

Maybe awareness for you looks like recognizing how your body has been holding on to the survival — to the trauma. It might be noticing that your foot is always hovering over the brake, so to speak, that you’ve been bracing for impact long after the storm has passed.

Awareness is naming what’s really happening — not from judgment, but from curiosity and compassion. It’s saying, “I see what’s here, and I can finally begin to understand it and move forward from it.”

When we have awareness, it leads us to the next pillar: Acceptance.

Acceptance, in this context of Diwali, is letting the light settle in. It’s that steady flame that burns even when the winds of grief or anger try to blow it out.

Acceptance isn’t agreeing with what happened — it’s allowing reality to be what it is so that you can stop fighting the truth and start healing through it.

For many of my betrayed partners, acceptance looks like realizing:
He may never take accountability in the way I want.
He may never apologize in the way I need.
Or, the marriage I believed we were fighting for is gone — yet I can still create a beautiful life for myself.

It’s that deep exhale that says, This is my story, but it does not and cannot be my identity.

Acceptance softens the edge of pain — not because it makes the pain disappear, but because you stop abandoning yourself in that pain.

When you lean into acceptance, you allow the light to reach the darkest parts of you, and it begins to transform them.

If you hang in there and hold onto the light, what feels unbearable now can become something wise and even sacred.

And then the third pillar: Agency.

Agency is choosing to light your own lamp — your power to choose, to act, to create. This is when you remember that healing isn’t about waiting for someone else to turn the light back on.

I see this a lot with my divorce clients who jump into another relationship, looking for someone to turn that light back on.

But this is about realizing that you have the switch inside. When you flip that switch on, you start to invite more light into your space.

Agency is deciding, I’m going to protect my peace, even if it means disappointing someone else.

It’s choosing to show up differently with your children, your work, your faith, your body, and your relationships.

It’s saying, I don’t have to earn my worth anymore. I get to live from it, because that light is what lives inside of you.

Agency is where your inner light becomes steady. It’s when you move from survival mode — which all of you know so well — to guiding yourself, and even others, through the dark.

So maybe today, in celebration of Diwali, you light a candle. And as that flame flickers, you say to yourself:
My light still shines. It was never gone — just waiting for me to see it again.

Because this is true: the darkness does not win. You win.

Mahatma Gandhi, who is considered the father of India, said:

“God is light, not darkness. God is love, not hate. God is truth, not untruth.”

At the most basic level, you are a being of love, light, and truth.

That doesn’t mean you won’t feel rage or grief or pain or hurt — but beneath all of that, the essence of you is still light, love, and truth.

Use that as your anchor, because you are enough. You are light. And you are the chooser of your life — and you get to create the life you want. You can.

 Happy Diwali.