177. January Live Q&A; Self Compassion, Self Regulation, and Rebuilding Trust With Yourself

You’re listening to the Empowered Divorce Podcast, where you practice being the chooser in your life again, one day at a time. Thanks for joining me.

Hello, hello, my amazing, beautiful listeners. Welcome, and thank you for joining me today. I’m airing our January Q&A — well, a portion of it.

Before we get started, I just want to invite everyone again to leave a review, like, follow, and do all the fun things with this podcast so we can continue to grow, expand, and reach more and more women. I’m really looking forward to this year with the podcast. I have several guests joining me, and my goal is to have one guest every month.

I hope you continue to stay tuned, and more importantly, I hope you continue to stay in tune with your body.

Alright — here’s the January Q&A.

January Q&A Session

Alright. Hello everyone. Happy New Year. Is everyone still feeling a little off from the holidays?

Yeah… this week has been a lot for my clients — just trying to process everything that’s happened over the last couple of weeks. So we’re totally going to make space today for a lot of dysregulated nervous systems.

As people are popping in, I want you to notice that you made a choice to be here — to take some time for yourself. While you’re here with me, take a moment to start breathing. Just notice your breath. Notice the women in the room.

You are not alone.

Every one of you here is going through something hard. Not the same thing — but something with a lot of overlap. There is so much shared experience in this space. So as each woman joins, remind yourself: I’m not alone in this moment.

Four Practices for Reconnecting With Yourself

I want to jump right into what I wanted to share today. I want to offer three — maybe four — things that can be helpful right now if you’re feeling off track.

January brings so much talk about change: setting intentions, making big decisions, hitting the reset button. January is actually known as “divorce month.” It has the highest number of divorce filings — and interestingly, the highest number of dating app registrations as well. I always find that stat fascinating.

So there’s a lot of internal pressure right now to change — whether that’s your relationship, the divorce process, or yourself. Even if nothing external is changing, that pressure to be different can feel loud.

Let’s talk about change within you.

1. Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is one of the core characteristics of your higher self. You already have it — it’s not something you need to go get. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we talk about the “Eight C’s” of the higher self: compassion, curiosity, courage, clarity, creativity, confidence, calm, and connectedness.

I love this framework because healing often feels like we’re missing something — like we have to acquire one more tool. Compassion reminds us: it’s already there.

After betrayal or divorce, we often become our harshest critics. Thoughts loop:

“How did I not see this?”

“Why did I stay so long?”

“Why am I still affected?”

Self-compassion isn’t minimizing what happened or rushing forgiveness. It’s recognizing that your responses made sense at the time and replacing self-blame with validation, acceptance, and curiosity.

When compassion shows up, your nervous system exhales. That’s why practicing access to it matters so much.

2. Self-Regulation

Self-regulation right now may look like untangling unhealthy co-regulation with your ex or soon-to-be ex. If you’ve been co-regulating with chaos, it’s time to drop the rope.

Notice where your system is still reacting to that chaos. Where can you create more space? Space matters — especially right now. Finding safer people to co-regulate with and slowly anchoring back into yourself is a process, not a switch you flip.

Reducing exposure to chaos creates room for regulation to return.

3. Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy is how you relate to yourself day-to-day.

It shows up in boundaries, sleep, movement, energy, and noticing when you put yourself in situations that cost you — because you believe you “have to.”

Sometimes we don’t even offer ourselves another option.

Self-advocacy is choosing safety and integrity with yourself. It’s practicing saying “no” internally before you ever say it out loud.

For me, one of the biggest shifts was setting a bedtime boundary. Saying no to binge-watching Netflix — even when I wanted the break. It made sense why I wanted it. And I also knew I needed sleep to show up well the next day.

That’s what internal advocacy looks like.

4. Self-Trust

Betrayal shatters self-trust — and that’s okay. Rebuilding it happens slowly, through small choices.

I once worked with a client who said, “I don’t even trust myself to eat well.” And that’s where we started. Not relationships — nourishment.

Self-trust grows when you consistently choose what supports you, even in small ways.

Reflection Questions

As you’re listening, ask yourself:

Which of these needs the most care right now?

Self-compassion?

Self-regulation?

Self-advocacy?

Self-trust?

Where have you been pushing when you might need more support?

Audience Question: Compassion vs. Advocacy

A question came up that I want to share (protecting anonymity):

“How do you balance self-compassion with self-advocacy? How do you know when you need rest versus discipline?”

Such a great question.

Here’s the answer: self-compassion never leaves. Even when you choose Netflix over the gym. It’s not about right or wrong.

Sometimes we only learn what we truly needed after we make the choice. And then next time, we gently advocate for what we now know supports us better.

“What if moving my body is the break I need?”

That’s compassion and advocacy working together.

Closing

That’s the portion of the Q&A I wanted to share today. The rest of the conversation was incredible, and I want to protect that space.

As I wrap up, I want to remind you: healing is not about how fast you move on. It’s about learning to stay with yourself when things are still tender.

If you feel rushed or pressured to change or decide something big — slow down. This work is about building a safer, steadier relationship with yourself.

You are the chooser in your life. You get to create this day, this month, and this year — because you can.

Take care, everybody.