148. Freedom; Reflection of Internal Choice

 Hello. Hello. My amazing, beautiful listeners. Happy 4th of July. Tomorrow the episode I'm sharing today , is a repeater from last year. It's the freedom to choose.  This particular episode is such a good reminder to all of us during this time of our freedom, not only in this country, but our internal freedom to choose, and that's what this episode is about today. I wanted to jump on really quick before I re-air this episode to remind those of you.

You might be anticipating our live q and a session tomorrow. We will not be having it as it is a holiday week, and I actually will be traveling with my family, playing with my grand babies at the 4th of July parade, so I will not be here this month. I will see you in August. If you have not registered for the life q and a, head over to amy woolsey.com.

Go to the q and a register.  You'll get an email reminder when those Q and As happen. You'll also get an email reminder when they are not happening,

take advantage of this free resource to join me, to get in front of me every month And share the experience with others, feeling the support from others who are going through similar things.

 Alright. Enjoy this episode on the Freedom to Choose.

Thanks for joining me. How are you?  You're alive, you're alive and you're breathing. And how many of you at one point wondered if you would ever breathe again? Cool. Right. Like. That can be very real for a lot of you. 

Well, here you are. And I wanted to do a quick episode. For you around freedom. Since it is an amazing day to celebrate our country's freedom. It's one of my favorite holidays. I have. Adapted a little bit of My own meeting to this day, in addition to the freedoms that. Aye. 

Hope and prayer country holds on to. 

And as I've been contemplating on how we can hold on to those freedoms that are being challenged. And even those that have been taken away. 

I thought about how. 

Those of us. Who've experienced trauma, betrayal, abuse, divorce. No firsthand what it's like in our individual lives to contemplate how we can hold onto those freedoms that we have. And recognize that due to choices of another certain freedoms have been taken away. Or are more challenging to access now because of another's choices. 

Trauma is not about having a choice. Someone else made a choice that took your ability to choose for yourself. They took that away. And if you were with a partner. Who would withhold information from you that. Not only you had a right to know as part of being in that relationship with them, but information that could affect your safety, like STDs and other physical dangers. 

And then you continued without that information. To make a choice to connect an attached to your partner. I may choices to be intimate with your partner.  Without the same knowledge that they had about the reality of your relationship, your safety, your environment. 

All of it. This is betrayal violence. This throws. You're wise femininity out of whack, which is the trifecta of intuition, vulnerability, and sensitivity. Thank you. Hope right. So the greatest gift that you can give yourself. Is the gift of interoception. When you are giving yourself. Access to how you feel inside your body. 

How you feel about all of it, but even, and especially the trauma, the abuse, the divorce, when you have access, you have choice. Access is the first step to getting healing and resolution. Interoception is that tuning into your body, your emotions and this sensitivity, right? That part of that trifecta of your way is femininity. This is freedom. 

I purposely say at the end of every episode, you are the chooser in your life and you get to create the life you want because you can, I believe this. And I choose to practice this thought every day. I never want to go back to a time where I wasn't practicing to be the chooser. In my life I don't ever want to Live in that oppressive state again. And in order to do that, I have to be very clear about what I'm choosing to think. What I'm choosing to believe. And. Practicing to always give myself access into me. 

this day of the country's independence we celebrate. Those external freedoms. That are offered to us by living in this country. Freedom. 

Is a feeling. A deep feeling inside and an inner knowing that you are in fact, the chooser. You're in fact, the chooser of your thoughts or feelings in your actions. So we have external freedoms and we have internal freedoms. Captivity is when we believe that external people circumstances have more power. 

Then we do internally captivity is when we believe that we don't have options. Captivity and powerlessness is when those emotions get trapped inside the body, they get stuck. When that energy in motion, those emotions stop motioning. Right. It stops moving and get stuck. 

I was doing some brainspotting with a client and. She had been in survival. 

Holding it together, getting things done, like all the weight on her shoulders. Right. And she was carrying. All of it. Well, in order to do that, she couldn't look in the side and get access, right. To those other parts. Like. Anger injustice to spare. She went several years like this after her brutal discovery of her husband's and fidelity. And in order to survive. 

Those consequences that his actions. We're bringing upon her even legal consequences. She went into survival mode. 

Those parts did a great job. 

And it's not sustainable. 

There is at some point where. 

The self gets dammed up on stuck and can't move forward. And so many times we blame ourselves. Like we're not doing enough of something, or we believe that we just aren't meant to have this level of happy and joy that we want. And that's where she was coming to me. She just felt stuck. Like I'm doing all the things and I'm trying so hard to just. 

You know, carry all this weight and. Keep moving forward, but the truth was she had to lock up and dam up. Block. Her access to some of these very real emotions. They had a lot to say. About what happened to her, had a lot to say about her partners choices that impacted her and took her ability to choose and a lot of different ways away. 

This damming up, our power is not freedom. Obviously. when we did some somatic work and processed, we got past that and you hook cortex, got access to see into what the parts of the subcortex part of the brain had to say. Wow. She freed up. Anger part injustice part and despair part. They were free. 

To have a voice. When she accessed them, they were free to move through her body. They were free to intensify and free to shift. And free to move out. It was beautiful. The body is beautiful. 

She felt lighter. She felt furrier. She literally used that word. Freer from the weighing down energy that can get stuck in the body when it's not free to move. Now because you got access to inside herself, she started to see her situation a little bit differently. She went from a no way. No. How. Two. 

Maybe. That's amazing.  As I've mentioned. Before I used to clean houses for a living after my divorce and I started my own company. But before that, while I was married, I chose to stay home and. Be with the kids full time and work my butt off inside that home. Divorce took that option away. And I felt captive not free. This choice that I once had available to me was no longer available. 

It felt. Very powerless. And because that choice was taken for me, it was hard. And really felt. Honestly, impossible to see any other option. 

It created this sense of freeze. Because I felt like there was no other choice. There was no other way. I didn't see any other option. 

The power of this external freedom. Was also holding power of my internal freedom at that point. I didn't feel free internally because I believe that I couldn't create anything that would really give you what I wanted externally to look like. 

When we go about being the creator in our life. I think this concept is really important to be aware of. My real freedom began. When I stopped looking outside of myself to the externals that I didn't have control over and look to myself, giving myself access to the grief. And the loss of that. External expectation Giving myself access to the thoughts of I can't and I have to, and internally choosing to think I can, and I will. I looked inside into myself, believed in myself. To believe that it was possible for me to make it work. I didn't have any external proof of that in. 

If that's all I look to for evidence of being free, then I never would have created what I did with that business. Deep freedom is when you are able to fully accept you, be you and love you. And also. Except things as they really are. That's being aligned. And that alignment will show up in your body. 

Honestly, the only ramifications of not doing those things, not giving yourself access. 

It's a sense of powerless that is created by you. The only person that makes you feel. 

Is you. 

So if you want true freedom, deep freedom, it starts from going within. It can be easy to get distracted by all those external freedoms. And try to shape your life into this perfect scenario. And when you had an external expectation of what your life was supposed to look like, what marriage was supposed to look like. 

And those have been taken away without your choosing. We lose the awareness to the internal freedoms that we always have had. And still do have I was working with a client who was stuck in making a decision about whether or not. She wanted to keep fighting her ex in court over assets or not. 

True to a narcissist. He just keeps finding every which way T drag this out and years had passed. She felt trapped and she came to me feeling just. Unable to move forward because she felt like this external thing happening in her life. Where she had no control over was keeping her stuck in powerless. 

Be as scary, right? The sky. Who is doing all sorts of things to manipulate. Stall. 

And a SERP power lawyers, judges, mostly men. And might I add make all of those decisions for her? And there's just only so much you get to choose in that process. So. 

When she was focusing on all of those external things. I think we can all agree that there's there's little freedom there. But remember If freedom is a feeling, an internal experience that we can access. 

Then we want to go into ourselves. 

Just start making those conscious choices. So how this might look is going inside of the body to access the feeling of perhaps anger, frustration, injustice. Despair. Frightened. I was so frightened in those court days, whatever those emotions are that are showing up. 

Freedom is feeling them not shoving, not avoiding, not judging and not even blaming. It is not free when we give this other person or this other external thing. Power over that emotion. 

That would require them actually changing. In order for that emotion to change and thank God it doesn't work that way. we want to own those emotions. Those are yours and they're beautiful and they're information and energy. And we won. We want that energy to be in emotion, to freely move throughout the body. 

You don't need to seek outside validation. Because as you freely feel, you become your own source of validation. And if you get it from someone else, then that's a bonus. When we need others to validate love and approval. First notice how captive that is. Notice how that's not actually free. You're stuck, dammed up until you get that from someone else. Right. 

when we talk about moving forward and thriving, 

Sometimes we think it's not possible. 

If we're feeling negative emotions. And that's because a lot of us still. 

Have some core beliefs that perhaps we didn't choose. A lot of times these core beliefs come early in childhood where you weren't old enough to consciously make a choice about what we believe or not. To create these emotions. And so a lot of us believe that emotions are bad or wrong. 

But emotions are energy in motion. And when we give ourselves access to that, you're going to learn something about yourself. You're going to be able to take that inner, knowing that information and move it where you want to move it. Talk about freedom, right?  many of you might be trying to conceptualize this and make this tangible, like what the hell you're talking about Amy. 

Okay. Let me go back to this example of the woman going to court over and over again. Right. And feeling powerless. Like she had no freedom. the facts are, she is limited to external freedoms through this process, right through divorce. She has. Had to live in a certain distance from him, right. She can't just up and move and live wherever she wants. 

She is limited to the time that she has with children to herself in her house. She's limited to housing choices because she's limited to money at this particular point. All of those external feelings in that present for her are not available. 

For her to choose to do whatever she wants. But when we put those things on My whiteboard, we put on the right side of it, all of those external things. And then on the other side of the board, we put all of the internal and she named a bunch of things that are happening inside of her and all kinds of feelings. Right. 

She had all whole list. And it was interesting because she paused and she looked at me and she's like, I hate both sides of the board. Like yup. Makes total sense why you would hate both sides of that board. And I asked her to just tell me. Tell me a little bit more. Why you hate this internal side? 

And she said. Because it's all bad. There's nothing, nothing freeing over there. And I said, ah, But that's where we really need to look at this because first of all, there are no bad parts. And each of those emotions are parts of the self parts. That have information, parts that want to protect us, et cetera. 

So anger, which showed up on that internal side of the board. Anger communicates there's a boundary violation or an unmet basic need. 

She had fear on their fear is communicating the emotion that there's a threat to your safety, whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, like N ne area, right. When you have. The right to feel safe and there's a perceived threat. Fear's going to let you know. 

She had grief sadness on there. Well that communicates loss. And as we went through that inside part of the board and saw all the information that these emotions were giving her. She could actually see how amazingly accurate most of these worst. Some were perceived threat. Right, but it made sense to her why she was, why that part was still warning her of the possibility of that threat. 

And as I coached her, I could even see the physical shift in her body as she saw these parts differently. Because she was getting access into those parts, right? Like the Y the meaning. The information. 

The anger gave her access to information. The sag gave her access to information. And with that information came freedom. 

Kane choice. So the perceived threat part. She told that part it's not needed in this moment. she literally felt it move out of her body. . When I checked in with her again, she's like, yeah, it's not in my chest anymore. It moved. She was free of that emotion. 

Because she gave herself access to it. Agency's the greatest gift. Every human has been gifted. I believe. Personally that it comes from a loving God who trusts us enough with an incredible power. Power to choose. To choose what we want to stink and feel and do. He also knew. That as humans running around with human brains and all this agency that we would make choices that impact others ability to choose for themselves. 

Those external freedoms would be impacted. When I think about the experiences that I've had in my life, where. Even my very physical body was violated without my conscious choice. That had an internal impact on me. It had an impact on a lot of my freedoms. Trauma. Is not about having choice. 

And what I have come to believe and feel with a capital T truth. That even when that external thing or any external things take place. And take our ability to choose, to create. We always, because of agency have the choice to internally choose how we think and feel. And what we want to choose to do with it that can never be taken. 

That gift of agency. It feels so very precious to me, precious to protect and precious. To choose. 

I'm quoting Viktor Frankl. Who's a Holocaust survivor says our greatest freedom is the freedom to choose our attitude. And our attitude, thoughts create the emotions that we are choosing as well. 

There is a time where we want to choose anger, sad, hurt, And betrayal. There are times when we want to choose forgiveness, compassion, content. And love. Give yourself access to all of it. 

So going back to. 

You being the creator of your life. What you're creating is that internal experience. Because, yeah, there's a lot of external things that are not available to us anymore. Because of the choice of others that has been taken away. what you always have access to what you always have power in is your ability to choose that internal experience hold onto it, protect it and keep it sacred. 

This internal freedom. Is such an amazing gift because I think about. Again, all the experiences that I have, I look at all of the women that I work with. Hundreds of women that I have been able to sit in front of who have had. Trauma. Who have had choice taken from them? I have watched. As they have. 

Given themselves access to their internals to. Their body to their emotions, to their thoughts. And leaned in and practice making conscious choice with what they do have power over. Thoughts feelings and actions. And I've seen them. Literally change the course of their life. I have literally seen what they have been able to give themselves. 

Access and power to in ways that they never imagined possible. 

What's interesting is that a lot of them, and I include myself in this situation is a lot of those external choices that they don't have access to or are limited in, are still limited. But they've created different experiences. They've created different choices that they have power over. That is true freedom. 

To me that rings freedom. 

Over and over and over. As I have the ability as an agent, as a free agent to choose what I think and feel over and over.  

So the practice this week is to make a list on one side of the paper, all the external freedoms that you believe you've lost. Due to trauma, betrayal, abuse, divorce. On the other side to give yourself access to the internal self. The body, the thoughts, the feelings, what you're choosing consciously or subconsciously. 

And then make a conscious choice of what you want to think and feel in this moment. About this reality. This reality of those external things. 

The next few episodes I will be sharing with you. 

Some of my favorite songs it's because it's summer. And one of my favorite things to do in the summer is. Take those long night drives with the rooftop open and the stars out in the warm air. Oh, just one of my favorite things to do. But music music saved me. Oh my gosh. Y'all it saved me through some of the hardest times of my life. 

If you do not have a playlist to help you through your divorce through all of it. And like a playlist for everything. Right. 

Then tune into the next few episodes over. 

The month of July, and you're going to get  a lot of songs That for me. 

Gave me a reason to go on. Gave me a reason to hold on to hope. Gave me a reason to wake up. For some of you who aren't music buffs might feel like that's a little drastic. But it was actually very, very real for me when so many things didn't make sense When so many people couldn't get through to me, music did. 

And I'm going to end with one of my favorite songs that goes along with. 

The celebration of freedom is by one of my all time favorites from gosh, since I can remember, because she was my mom's beloved favorite Whitney Houston. She came out with a song in 2002 and it was called, tried on my own. It resonated with me. And even though there are so many amazing women artists with freedom and empowering songs. 

And I'll end today's podcast with reading the words, But of course, if you're a Whitney fan, then go over and take a listen on Spotify, try it on my own. But she says I'm wiser now. I'm not the fullest girl you used to know so long ago, I'm stronger now. 

I've learned from my mistakes, which way to go. And I should know. I put myself aside to do it your way, but now I need to do it alone. And I'm not afraid to try it on my own. I don't care if I'm right or wrong. I live my life the way I feel, no matter what, I'll keep it real. It's time for me to do it on my own. 

It's over now. I can't go back to living through your eyes too many lies. And if you don't know by now, 

I can't go back to being someone else. Not anymore. I never had the chance to do things my way. So it's time for me to take control and I'm not afraid to try it on my own. I don't care if I'm right or wrong. I'll live my life the way I feel. No matter what I'm going to keep it real. It's time for me to do it on my own. 

I start again, go back to one. I'm running things in my way. Can't stop me now. I've just begun. Don't even think about it. 

There ain't no way about it. I'm taking names. Go down the line. Yes. I'm going to take my turn it's time for me To stand alone. I'm not afraid to try it on my own. I don't care if I'm right or wrong. I live my life the way I feel, no matter what. I'm going to keep it real. It's time for me to do it. See, I'm not afraid to try it on my own. 

I'm going to keep it real. It's time for me to do it. See. I'm not afraid. I love the song. I loved the words. And I hope that it resonates with that internal freedom. That internal power of choice agency that you have already intrinsically. It's nothing that you have to go out and earn or get. Or perform to get. 

You have it? Use it. 

  📍 Because you are the chooser in your life and you get to create the life you want. Because you can. I believe this. And I choose to practice this. Choose with me. Thank you all for listening and I will see you next time.