195. What Kids Really Need When There’s Betrayal in the Family with Morgan Ellsworth LMFT

Hello. Hello, my amazing, beautiful listeners. Welcome. Thank you for joining me today. I have a special episode for you.

This was an episode that I recorded on the Choose to Be podcast with Morgan Ellsworth. Alana and I were doing a series around children and children of betrayed parents—two episodes back to back.

Today’s episode is with Morgan, and next week I’ll be sharing my conversation with Hannah, Alana’s daughter.

These two episodes, when we recorded them for the Choose to Be podcast, kept bringing me back to you—my listeners here. These are conversations I would have deeply valued and loved to hear while navigating divorce.

This week is my conversation with Morgan Ellsworth.

Let’s jump in.

Guest Introduction (Amie)

Today I am talking with Morgan Ellsworth, who works directly with teens, young adults, parents, and families navigating betrayal trauma and relational rupture.

Morgan’s work is deeply personal because her journey into this field started with her own lived experience of betrayal as a teenager and over a decade of healing that followed.

Her professional work integrates family systems, somatic healing, coaching, trauma-informed care, and relational repair.

What I love about her approach is that she doesn’t separate individual healing from family healing. She understands how interconnected it all is.

She works with betrayed partners, couples, teens, young adults, and parents—helping families find grounding, clarity, safety, and a path forward after everything feels destabilized.

She is also the host of the podcast Healing Betrayed Families, which is such a needed voice in this space.

I’m excited about this conversation.

Conversation Begins

Amie: Morgan, thank you for joining this conversation. Our listeners have heard a bit of a series forming around teens and young adults, and I think that age group is so important because of their developmental stage and awareness.

Your specialty is working with young adults and teens impacted by betrayal in their family system. Can you share a little about your journey and why this became your focus?

Morgan:
Yeah. I love that question. My personal story is a big part of my professional journey.

In my undergrad in family life, I had this moment where I felt really clearly: families need to be able to heal. And I remember feeling this impression that my family’s experience—my parents staying together after infidelity and doing their own healing—was meant to help other families.

That was a turning point for me.

I went on to have my first child, then started my master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy. I just graduated recently.

My experience as a betrayed child and then doing my own healing has shaped everything. Every time I heal something in myself, I become more passionate about helping others do the same.

This is such an underserved area in betrayal trauma work. Not many people understand what it’s like for the kids. And not many professionals are trained in both trauma and family systems in this specific way.

So I feel like I’m really stepping into that space.

Amie:
Yes, absolutely. I think this next generation is going to bring so much more awareness around this. And even my own kids—this isn’t something that ends. They’re still integrating and making meaning of it.

Even when divorce happens, the impact on kids doesn’t just disappear.

Morgan:
Yes. And I think when I did betrayal trauma training, I had this moment of realizing—oh, I also experienced betrayal trauma.

That language changed everything for me.

When kids and teens don’t have language for what they’re experiencing, they often internalize it. They think it’s their fault, or they don’t understand what’s happening in their nervous system.

Language is so important because it creates meaning. It reduces shame. It helps them make sense of their reality.

On Language, Truth, and Kids’ Understanding

Amie:
That’s such an important piece. I think a lot of parents struggle with how much to tell their kids.

What do they need to know? How do we give language without oversharing?

Morgan:
Yes. I actually get this question a lot.

Kids don’t need every detail, but they do need truth about their story.

What’s missing a lot of times is that kids are trying to make meaning, and if we don’t give them language, they create their own—often blaming themselves.

Kids are naturally egocentric in their thinking. They may believe:

“This is my fault.”

“They’re divorcing because of me.”

So we have to gently help them organize their reality:

“This is not because of you. There are things happening between adults that you don’t need to carry responsibility for.”

That alone can be incredibly stabilizing.

Amie:
Yes. And sometimes kids aren’t actually asking what we think they’re asking.

They might ask a question, but underneath it is something like:

“Am I safe? Am I still loved? Is my life going to change?”

So slowing down and getting curious matters more than just answering quickly.

Morgan:
Exactly. We have to learn to listen underneath the question.

A lot of times, what’s underneath is an attachment need—comfort, safety, reassurance.

If we respond too quickly, we miss that deeper layer.

Emotional Regulation & Nervous System Work

Amie:
Can we talk about emotional regulation? Because I think parents cognitively understand it’s okay for kids to feel, but in practice, it’s really hard.

Morgan:
Yes. When we see big emotional reactions in kids—tantrums, withdrawal, isolation—we often want to fix or shut it down.

But from a trauma lens, that’s a nervous system response.

What kids need is co-regulation.

They need a grounded nervous system to help them move through what they’re feeling safely.

Not punishment. Not shutting it down. Not shame.

Just safety and presence.

Amie:
Yes. And I think there’s also something important about not over-identifying or over-functioning for their nervous system.

We can support them without taking over their emotional process.

Morgan:
Exactly. And sometimes that means getting outside support too—therapy, coaching, or parent-child sessions—especially when the parent is also dysregulated.

Protecting vs. Controlling

Amie:
There’s also this really tricky space between protecting our kids and not controlling their experience.

Morgan:
Yes. That’s one of the hardest parts.

We do have a responsibility to protect safety. But we also have to allow kids to have their own relationship with reality and their own healing path.

Even when it’s uncomfortable.

If we try to control too much, they don’t learn how to trust their own voice or set boundaries later.

Final Reflection: What Morgan Would Tell Her Younger Self

Amie:
If you could go back to your teen or young adult self, what would you want her to know?

Morgan:
I would tell her it’s okay to feel what she feels.

I spent a lot of time thinking my emotions were a problem.

I wish I had learned earlier how to process emotion in a healthy way instead of suppressing it.

I wasn’t a burden. I wasn’t a “problem.” I was just a kid responding to what was happening in my family.

And I wish my parents had been supported in knowing how to help me through that emotional experience.

Closing (Amie Woolsey)

Thank you so much, Morgan.

For those listening, I hope you’re taking in how important it is to slow down, listen deeper, and validate your kids’ emotional experience.

Not by fixing everything—but by helping them feel seen, safe, and understood.

Because you are the chooser in your life, and you can begin showing up differently for both yourself and your children.

Take care, everyone.